My room smells like vodka and shame
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
did you just send me my own nude
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
