Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize