kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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