The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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