I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
