remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
