It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
