it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
