When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
