We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
