I should be sponsored by Trojan
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize