Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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