I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just threw up on my dentist
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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