i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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