I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
