We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
