I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize