You're a womanizer and a bitch.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
