he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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