It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
