i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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