I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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