you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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