I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
