Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
