the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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