He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
