it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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