He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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