You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
