Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize