the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
