She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
