You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
