Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
How naked do you want me to be?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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