im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
