Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
