there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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