I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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