He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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