I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
