I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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