So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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