Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
last night I used snow as a chaser
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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