Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
