I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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