so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
