First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
