Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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