If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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