i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
