He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
