i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
