apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
