it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
