you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
