He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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