Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
