writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
