I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
