dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
