I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
