Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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