found the other keg... it's in the tree
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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