Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
