one might say we're banned from that church
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
