Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
