pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
