Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize