What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
