Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
