hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
